Yup - I've decided that I've had enough of tBlog's constant fuck-ups, and I've moved to a place with a more stable server. I've actually been wanting to transfer over to LiveJournal for a while now, I just needed the little push that tBlog was seemingly more than happy to provide for me. *shrugs* Ah well.
I almost faked sick this morning, because I realised it was a Day 1, and I don't care for Day 1's. Oh well.
Ancient Civs was fun today. For the first half we debated gay marriage. Now, what does that have to do with ancient civilizations? ...I have no freakin' clue. I don't even remember how we got on the subject. Then we watched the old Robin Hood movie for the second half of the class. I don't know if we'll be watching more of it tomorrow, but I hope we do. I've seen it before, and I really liked it, so it'd be a nice break.
I had Math next, but my guidance councillor made an appointment 30 minutes into the class. I managed to get out only 20 minutes into it without Mr.Marchilldon realising it. I went down to the E-wing (the main office and the guidance office are at the end of it), and just before I turned to go into guidance, I noticed Jadey was sitting by the desks by the main office doors. Which only means she had an in-school suspension. I walked up to her, seeing as I had 10 minutes to shit around with anyways, and asked her whats up. Apparently Ms.Coleman was being stupid. Whatever. We talked for a bit about some "stories" (we both had reasonably noticable hickies on our necks, and were just like "Oh, that's beautiful!").
She told me something that happened last night I believe, and she said it was the scariest thing that ever happened to her. Well, I had a story to beat that... So I shared. It was months and months ago, actually, quite possibly a year. Steven and I were in his basement, y'know... Anyways! The phone rings and we didn't really care, but then his step-dad calls down the stairs and says it's for him. He called up that he "couldn't find the phone", and that he'd talk to them later. But his step-dad didn't hear the second part, and came down the stairs to help him [i]find [/i]the phone. We were in a seperate room in the basement, but it didn't have a door, so Steven runs out of the little room in only his boxers, and I had to cover myself with the blanket. Aw man, it was a mess.
Good story, no? XD
I think Jack (his step-dad) was the only adult who knew 100% that we were having sex. Everyone else was just iffy on the idea.
So after having our little chat, I had to go to my appointment. I'm going to Pius for gr.12 English (reach ahead). ...Pius is under the Catholic school board. Me? In a Catholic school for the summer? What? LOL! The only reason I chose Pius over SRB was because it's AIR CONDITIONED!!! Summer school won't be as bad as I thought... Hehehe... XP
I tried to go talk to Jade again after my appointment (hey, there was no way I was going to go back to class after!), but some teacher shooed me away. I only had a little bit of class time left, so I went upstairs to the hall where my next class would be (English, ironically), and I stared out the window at the end of the hall. It looked out towards the upper-art room, and the trees were actually quite beautiful against the brick wall of the school. I wanted to take out my camera and capture the moment, it was that pretty. I just kept thinking "Now, why doesn't the rest of the school look this nice?" And I realised, it's because that area is untouched by the students.
The bell rang, and I had to go to English. We were going over the "big" end-of-year project she's making us do. It's really gay, and it'll be very easy - a total waste of time that I'm going to be forced to do either way. Urgh.
Oh shit, I do not recall what happened at lunch today... Well, the second half I do. I went outside to hang with Jade, Gavin, Adam and some girl I don't know. I was trying to get an empty chip bag into my empty can of lemonade, and I was just like "Go in, goddamnit!" And I looked up to see everyone just staring at me and Jade just said, "Wow, that came out wrong." Then I added, "Hm... I haven't said that in a while." And she burst out laughing.
A little later on, Jade and I were comparing hickies. Hers is spread out more, but hardly noticable; while mine is small and in a line-ish shape, but deep purple and red. Hers is from Adam sucking on her neck last night, and mine is from Grant biting a couple days ago... I just said "It hurts like a mother fucker, but it was [i]sooo[/i] worth it." And Adam's eyes widened and he just yelled out "There are some things you [i]don't need to know[/i]!" I kinda forgot that he was there until he made that comment... LOL!
It had been dark and gloomy-looking all day. This morning at about 5am it was storming out horribly; thunder, lighting, pouring rain (I just wish I was awake enough to run outside in it). Well, the storm cloud blew over our school and it started to rain bullets. I didn't move - I [i]love[/i] the rain! I actually continued to stand in it after the bell rang. I was completely drenched.
I found Steven in the basement, and we both went in search of our (Careers) class. We didn't know where we'd be, so we tried looking in the basement computer lab. Nope. So we went to the library. We met up with a handful of girls from our class, and they said they just checked the classroom and they weren't there, either. We went back to check the classroom a second time, and we saw a note on the door telling us to go to the basement (where we first were). A few of us (including me) wanted to act like we never saw the sign and just skip, claiming we didn't know where to go, and everyone else wanted to go to class. Since it would look odd if only one person couldn't find the class, we all had to go. Blarg.
I finished up my character's resume and printed it off. It looks all professional-like, so I was proud. Urg, I hate that class. I better pass or I'll be [i]so[/i] pissed! I was bored, and I wanted to tell Steven that I was gonna be going to Pius for summer school (I knew he'd find it funny), but he was too far for me to talk to - so I emailed him, and just called to him to check his email. lol! He replied, and then I replied again, but then class ended. Ah well, it was fun while it lasted.
Today in Drama, Carl and Geoff actually cooperated with me! We did two good, full run-throughs, and we worked on blocking and got the set all put together! Mr.Mo even commented on how well we were working! Omg, we got so much done - all because I threw a fit yesterday! *dances*. If I hadn't have done that, they would have never snapped back into reality and realised "Hey, maybe she's right...". We're still stumbling on some of the lines, but we're doing soooo much better now. We'll for sure be ready to present on Tuesday.
Shit, Tuesday - I have to wear a skirt for my character! Gaah! I am so anti-girl it's not even funny, and I'm wearing a skirt? *faints*
So after we ran through it a couple times, we decided to do nothing for the rest of the period. Well, Carl did, anyways. I kind of took Geoff off to the side and questioned him about the Mal situation. I didn't get any information out of him - turns out he's just as confused as Mal is. The only problem is that the fate of their entire relationship is in his hands, and he doesn't know what to do. Mal's heart is bleeding because he just doesn't seem to want to make up his mind. He can't just hold her on a leash like he is - it's hurting her too much. He's holding her close enough that she can't leave him, but far enough away that she can't be with him. It's not a nice situation for her, and I just want to help her either get close with him again, or break away. She told me that she'd rather know for sure that it was over than to be left wondering, because the question is starting to drive her insane. I can understand all too well, even if I can't relate to the situation specifically, I can still imagine how it must feel. It's not fun.
I developed my film today in Photography class. It took nearly forever for me to get my film onto the damn reel, because there was a little notch in the film that was preventing it from going on striaght, so that was a bit of a piss-off. I tried it the other way around and it worked. *phew*. Developed it, blah blah blah. I had to wait 10 minutes after class was over so it would be done in the wash so I could look at the film and see how my pictures turned out. Omg. [i]Soooooo[/i] cute! This is going to be an awesome project!
[b]THANK YOU, MAL AND BECKY!!![/b]
Came home, and have been on the computer ever since, practically. Omg, it took me a while, but I finally dried off from being completely soaked by the rain, and my hair got [i]soooo[/i] curly / wavy. I actually like it when it's like this (minus the friz), so I haven't touched it since. lol!
I've been in this sort of "Eh, I don't care" kind of mood all day. Well, okay, not so much "I don't care" but more of a neutral sort of feeling. Like, if a friend is upset, I'll feel sympathy for them, but not get over emotional; and if a friend is happy about something, I'll be happy with them, but it won't get to my head like it usually does. Wow, is this how a "normal" teenager acts? Like, when someone says "I want to be a normal teenager", is this what they're describing? Because, if so, it's boring as hell. I'd much rather have my usual manic-depressive rollercoaster of emotions than this - because then at least I feel strong ups, instead of just "eh". It makes my life much more interesting that way.
I have a bit of a headache, so I'm going to stop writing now, and maybe take a nap. *shrugs*
Urg... I could be much happier right now, but I'm just not.
Parenting was first this morning. Our table helped Josh with his ISU for Anthro class on homophobia and the like. We were writing out definitions on construction paper as he was finishing up other stuff. I got to write out the def for "transgendered". He was telling the specific definition for bisexual to I think it was Mal, and he said "A person who feels emotionally and physically attracted to both sexes.". My ears perked; I'm bisexual, and I feel [i]physically[/i] attracted to both sexes, but I don't feel [i]emotionally[/i] attracted to females, only males. Does that mean I'm not bisexual? No. Of [i]course[/i] I'm bisexual! …Just a little point I noticed – he didn't quite know what to say to that. XP
Brianne finally came to Math class – for the first time in like, about two weeks. She said she'd be going to every class from now 'till the end of the year. Someone asked her how many days were left (she's been counting down) and she said 13. [i]THIRTEEN[/i]!!! That means next week is our [i]last fucking week of school[/i], then we have exams. It JUST clicked in my head… It's almost over. Geezus fucking christ I'm almost in grade 12! I spent the entire period just thinking about that. I couldn't shake it from my head.
Next year is my last year, and this one is almost up. After high school, I'm going to college for one year, then I'm completely done. Then I'm off to work in the real world. I'm not ready! I know I still have a year to go, but still. Only one year. Look at how fast this one has gone – next year will go even faster! I'm getting cold feet from just thinking about it. I remember being in grade 3 just looking forward to being in grade 6 – not even thinking about high school yet. Now I'm almost done it entirely. My life is just flying by. Slipping through my fingers, and all I can do is watch. Or, rather, enjoy it while I can!
In English class we were learning how to do a "proper" summary; something I learned to do in grade 5. She was actually trying to run us through step-by-step, and I just thought "I'm not a fucking retard…" And I did it on my own. I did exactly what she told us all to do, too, without even listening to her. Urgh, she treats the entire class like we're fucking retarded (well, some of the other students may be…).
I don't remember what happened during lunch. I just kind of shat around and did nothing in the basement. Then I had my spare right afterwards, so I just stayed in the basement for a while and lay on the ground. Jade came down to her locker half way through the class and told me everyone was skipping and they were all outside. Wonderful – my friends are all stupid. They all said that they were going to quit smoking, and today they were all [i]skipping class [/i]to smoke. Oh, was I ever[i] proud[/i] of them. Mal actually apologized to me, because she knew it pissed me off. She just didn't know how much, because I wasn't letting it show. I was so happy with all of them when they told me that they were planning on quitting, even though a part of me knew it wouldn't last. I don't think they're taking it seriously enough. But hey, their lungs, their life – right? Let them fuck it up whichever way they want to. I don't have to support them. I just wish that they cared enough to stick by something they say that they're going to do – not for anyone else, but for themselves.
We went to the library for Careers today. Now, that was just boring, so I won't even bother talking about it. Drama… Wow, what a piss-off that class was! We were rehearsing, and Geoff and Carl weren't taking [i]anything[/i] seriously. I was yelling at them, swearing and shit. I was so pissed off, like you have no idea. I hate it when they start goofing off, because we only have until next Tuesday to get the entire thing put together, and we're still fucking up some of the lines. I just got up and walked away; I was too fed up to deal with them anymore.
I just sat in the corner and had to fight back tears. I dunno, I guess something else was bothering me, because that shouldn't have gotten to me so badly. But I wasn't thinking of anything else; I guess they were suppressed emotions. It's also very unlikely that it was everyone smoking, because by that time it had already clicked that they can fuck up as much as they want, just so long as I'm not smoking. I dunno, it was just weird. That's all I [i]am[/i] sure about.
Afterwards I just came home and have been sitting in front of my computer ever since. Well, I went down for dinner and I argued with my dad about my plans for this summer. He decided he wanted to plan my every moment of summer vacation for me, and I just told him it's my life and I'll do what I want with it. He was convinced I'd be getting a summer job so I wouldn't be sitting around the house all day. Sure, but I've got summer school, and a social life now. Fuck work, I'll get a job when school's back in - I'm going to enjoy what little of the summer I have left after more school! Urg. I mean, it's one thing that he's dragging me out to a giant waterfall for a couple days when I'm terrified of boats and water, but to plan the rest of my free time? No, sorry bud. That's mine to do with as I so please.
Wow, I think I've ranted about this or that for the majority of this blog. Yet, I still don't know what's [i]really[/i] bothering me... Grr...!
DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical
Last night I didn't get to sleep until about 3:30am, but I still managed to wake up at 9:30 this morning. I don't know how, either. Gaah!
I went online, and Grant asked me if I wanted to go mini-putting at 10 in the morning. I laughed a bit, then thought "Well, why not?" So, he came and got me, and we went to Mini Golf Gardens, just beside my high school.
Holy crap on a cracker, he owned my ass! I haven't been mini-putting in like, 4 years. I used to go all the time with my dad and sister when we were younger, but that stopped after we became teenagers. Then it was once a year, then not at all. So ya, I played horribly. My ball hated me. XD
Afterwards we went to Microplay, Best Buy and EB Games in search of this one game he wanted to buy - but no one had it. We also went to the Comic Book Shoppe to see if they had any Punisher comics he could buy, but they were sold out. So, in the end, he got nothing.
We went to rent a specific movie he wanted me to see, but the didn't have it in. He didn't have much luck getting what he wanted today. I joked and told him it was karma, getting back at him for kicking my ass at mini-putt. lol!
He grabbed another movie and we watched that instead. I don't recall what it was called, but it was about these two Irish brothers who were killing all these sinners in the name of God. It was really cool. He also put in another movie, some nerd one, so I didn't really pay attention. lol - It was like some sort of fucked up soap-opera movie with computers. Hahaha!
Afterwards, we lay on the floor and talked about whatever for a long while, before I had to go home. That was fun. He's so much fun to talk to... Even if he did make me tell him how much I weigh. lol! Then, once I was home, we talked some more on MSN. Aw, he's so cute - I love him so much. ^^
Then I got to talking with Steven. Now, that was a very strange conversation. But it was needed, nonetheless. I ended up saying a few things that I never thought I'd say to him. That just went to show me that I truly am over him, and I am so proud of myself.
Give yourself a little time, a little patience, and you will pull through. Never give up on life, because you never know what strange thing might be waiting for you around the corner. Or, in my case, a strange red-head wearing a trench and a fedora. XD!
*hugs'n'glomps* to everyone who reads this blog. And, to my friends: remember, if you're ever down, I have an ear and a shoulder waiting for you. I love you all, and I don't want to see you hurt.
I woke up at 2pm today. It was the first time I was able to sleep in for about two or three weeks now. I've been having too much of a social life lately; but today all my events were to take place at night.
So yes, I woke up, and my mom informed me that my dad has been talking about getting me a cell phone. Not just a cool looking one to replace the ghetto one we already have, but one of my own! I nearly had a heart attack. It has to be a really cheap plan, because he doesn't want to be paying too much, BUT I DON'T CARE!!! *faints*
I agreed to go shopping with my mom if it meant I could go look at cell phones. Steph agreed to come with. So we went to Winners and looked for hoodies, but found nothing to my liking. Then when my mom was shopping for other shit Steph and I grabbed one of those giant balls and started bouncing it back and forth between us. That was fun. lol!
We went to Rogers Video after, because they have cell phones and our other cell phone plan is with Rogers. Anyways, we looked around at prices and what-not, but didn't buy one just yet. Ah well. I don't care that I didn't get it today, just as long as I know I'll [i]eventually[/i] get it... I'm good.
After that we went to the Comic Book Shoppe because Steph wanted to get her first wall scroll. I helped her pick out this really cool one from X/1999, and I actually considered getting one myself. *gasps*. Yes, Ms.Anti-Anime considered getting an anime wall scroll! One from the [i]only[/i] anime I [i]ever[/i] liked - Oh My Goddess. It was so pretty, it was of Belldandy, Skuld and Urd sitting on the earth playing instruments. But, I'd be spending $20 I didn't have. Poo on a stick. Some day, though... Some day... XD
Finally, we came home, and dad started to put Steph's new computer into her room. Gaah! I went and watched him set it up, and then helped Steph pick out a background. She went to this anime wallpaper website, and I wouldn't let her look through any other backgrounds other than ones from Oh My Goddess (also called "Ah My Goddess"... whatever). She didn't care, because she also likes that anime (how else would I know it existed?). We decided on this one of Skuld (who reminds me soooo much of Steph it's not even funny) and it's purple and really pretty. It suits her so much. Hehe!
So, while we were doing that, I asked her if she'd like to go to the Billy Talent show with me and Becky later that night - because I knew she liked them. Even more than I did, because she was the one who practically introduced me to them.
So mom gave us money and dropped us off at Baseline Station and we met up with Becky and bussed to Majors Hill. They were playing at the Tulip Festival. Steven had told me previously that he was planning on going to the show, as well as Jade, but I didn't know if I was going to see them there or not. Grant said he was going with his brother, and I was really hoping to meet up with him there.
Unfortunately, I never saw him. That made me really sad. Like, unhealthy sad. I moshed for the first two or three songs. Steph came up to me and told me to lift her up because she wanted to crowd surf, because she never had before (infact, that was her first "real" pit, too). So, I lifted her up, and once she was down she was just [i]sooooo[/i] happy! She must have thanked me a thousand times tonight for bringing her with me. lol! Aw, I love my sister. *hugs'n'glomps*
But after that I was just in such a shitty mood that I got out. I went to where there were hardly any people and lay down in the grass alone. Well, Steph came and sat with me for a few songs, but then went back into the pit. Becky came and talked to me for a while, too, but she also left. I didn't care - I wanted them to go and have fun. I had a headache anyways, so I didn't really feel like talking as it was.
As I was sitting there, some boy with his friends walked by. And he just stopped, bent over, and hurled. I watched him throw up right in front of me, and I couldn't look away. It was gross, but I couldn't help but watch the poor guy. I wanted to go and ask him if he was okay or something, but his friends were there, so there was no need to. It didn't make me feel sick at all seeing him throw up, because I was used to either watching or listening Steven throw up while he was getting treatment. Been there, seen that, didn't [i]want[/i] the t-shirt. XP
It was actually a very short show. I expected it to be much longer. But, then again, they only have one CD out. Afterwards, the three of us went to this little restaurant called Oh So Good, where all they sold was cake. It was such a cute little place - I'm definately going back there! I got hot chocolate and cheese cake (I [i]love[/i] cheese cake!), but I couldn't finish it all. Damn me and my inability to eat! ...Now that I think about it, I don't remember eating anything else today. Shit.
The waitress was so cool - the table we were at was for four people, but since we didn't have a fouth she sat down with us and we just talked. She even joked about hitting on Becky! Dude, too much fun! It was so funny, after we left I asked Becky if she was even bi and she said no, and I was just like "What the hell? How come you get all the girls hitting on you, and the [i]real[/i] bi over hear gets nothing?" Hahaha!
Ah well, it wouldn't do any good if she was hitting on me instead of Becky, because I am in love with the sweetest guy in the world. He is so cute - when I got home (at about 12:30) I went on MSN and he wasn't on, but he had emailed me. He was telling me about his experience at the concert tonight, and how he was upset that he didn't get to see me. Aww! I emailed him back telling him what we did, and hopefully I'll be going over to his house tomorrow. So, at least I'll get to see him then.
And, if I ever want to wake up tomorrow, I should go to bed now.
Wow... That was the most fucked up social event EVER!
So Grant, Becky and I met up with a few people in front of the school and we waited for others.
Let me see if I can list off everyone who was there... Me, Grant, Becky, Jade, Adam, Geoff, Greg, Katie, Andrew (F), Gavin, Gavin's friend Maurey, Jake, Marion, Andrew (C), Erica, 3 people I have never met before and don't remember the names of - and we were meeting up with Mal at the theatre. ...Geezus fucking christ! There was 18 of us - and more people were invited, too (ie, Steven and Sharlyn, mainly).
The first time they went to see a movie, I couldn't go with, but they were a "mob" of 10 people. The second time, I did go, and we were a "group" of 5. This time we were a fucking [i]gang[/i]! XD
Waiting for people to show up was fun; we were just goofing around in the sun (gaah, I'm gonna be so burnt tomorrow!) being freaky teenagers. Andrew, Greg and I chaced two gofers back into their holes, then I gave Greg a piggy-back ride back to the group. Then, a little while later, Andrew decided to jump on my back or something, and Katie pushed us over and he landed on me and I was just like "Dude... Ow."
Geoff, Jade, Greg and I went to the Quickie while we were wating for the bus to come to get slushies. Everyone mooched from us, and I paid for Gregs, but it was all good. They're cheap, so I don't care. XD
Aw man, it was so funny - we were standing at one stop and Gavin was like "If we run now, we can catch the 111 at the other stop over there... EVERYBODY, [i]RUUUN[/i]!!!" So we darted around the corner and across the street and caught it. lol! Imagine, 17 teenagers (Mal wasn't there yet) all bolting down the road - good times.
Everyone had to be divided up a bit on the bus, since there were only so many seats available, so Grant and I talked with Greg and Geoff about... I dunno, just random shit.
We got off at Lincoln Fields bus station and waited for the 85. It was only then that I found out why Marion was coming to the movie with us - she was Jake's little sister. That totally caught me by surprise. I had no idea! I hung out with her[i] brother[/i] before I hung out with her! Gaah! XP
On the 85 everyone just randomly quoted TV shows or web videos. "Hey kid! I'm a computer! Stop all the downloading! ...Help computers."
Mal met us at the intersection in front of the theatre, so I pulled her and Becky off to the side as everyone else went into the theatre so I could take the pictures. O...m...g... SOOO CUTE!!! They are going to turn out amazingly! *faints* I can't wait to develop them! *dances around*
We got our tickets and dicked around the arcade for a while before sitting down. We were spread out in 3 rows; Geoff, Mal, Grant and I were in the middle one. The movie started really cheesy-like, and I knew instantly I wasn't going to like it.
Grant joked about how the three vampire brides were "hot", but I didn't catch on that it was a joke, so at first I was pissed off (I just didn't say anything). But, as usual, my depression took over for me. Wonderful. I had my head down for the [i]entire[/i] movie ('cept for the first, like, 10 minutes maybe?). I just kept thinking to myself that I couldn't possibly compare to these fucking "perfect" girls, and that I'll always be something he had to settle on because he couldn't get a girl who looked like them.
It actually got to the point where I was in tears, considering going onto the roof of the Coloseum and just jumping. Not because of the comment, no, not anymore - but because I knew that no matter how hard I tried, I'll never change. I'm always going to be this "ugly" depressed girl, never getting any better. So, what's the point?
Ya, I'm fucked up. We know.
I decided I needed to hurt myself in some way. I remembered my most recent "accident" with the scissors, and decided to pick off the scab, since I didn't have my trusty scissors [i]with[/i] me. It didn't work, because picking off scabs doesn't hurt. So, I licked my hand and pressed it down - the salt on my hands stung, so it was all good.
Once the movie was over, Geoff took me off to the side to ask what was wrong. We ended up wandering outside, quite a bit aways from the "gang". I told him most of what I was thinking (minus the wanting to kill myself bit). I kept insulting myself, saying I was ugly; not because I was fishing for compliments, but because it was what I really believed. He made me feel about a thousand times better, and I decided to go back. He just kept telling me that I don't [i]have[/i] to compare, because I am me.
I'm so lucky to have him as a friend.
So yes, I returned to the group and walked right up to Grant. I just hugged him tightly as I sobbed slightly - we didn't let go for quite some time. Actually, as we were hugging, this girl we didn't know walked by us and said "Aw... Omg, that is so [i]cute[/i]!" After a while, he told me that his comment was a joke. He felt [i]so[/i] bad about it, too, because he didn't know that I'd react like that. Hell,[i] I[/i] didn't know I'd react like that.
He told me how worried he was about me, and I just felt so bad for over-reacting... Well, it wasn't like it was under any of my control - but I still felt terrible for making him worry like that.
We decided to sit down, and after a couple minutes of silence, he said "Would it fuck everything up even more if I told you I love you?" Omg... Time froze! I didn't expect that [i]at all[/i]. Obviously, I love him, too. I've been wanting to tell him for a while now, but I just didn't know how... I didn't even think he loved me!
*sighs*
We sat together for a little while longer, then re-joined the group. I was in a [i]much[/i] better mood now, so I was more or less back to being myself again hanging around with the freaks I call my friends XP.
Slowly the gang died, and everyone went home. Finally, it was just Grant, Gavin, Adam, Becky and I who were left to take a bus. Since Becky had to go in the other direction, she left. As for the rest of us, we realised that we had about 20 minutes until the bus came, so we crossed the street and went to the Quickie and I got some iced tea, and everyone else bought some sort of candy or chocolate. Got onto the bus, talked about random shit, then parted ways at Lincoln Fields.
Grant and I watched the 111 drive past us, and we didn't get on. We didn't think it was ours because it didn't say St.Laurent on it. Then we realised it would be about another 40 minutes until the next one got there (it came at midnight), and it was the last 111. Gaah! So we waited, and half way home Andrea gets on the bus. The freaky thing was I had mentioned to Grant when we passed Baseline Station that I might see her there because she's always taking busses at that time. Geezus christ, she got [i]on[/i] the bus and talked to us! Hahaha! Oh, go me and my psychic powers!
~oooOOOooo~
So now, here I am. I got home at about 12:15 - and it has taken me about 2 hours to write this. Kind of the opposite of my last blog, eh? XD
I suppose I'm going to have to write this blog rather quickly, seeing as I have people coming over at 4:15 (Grant and Becky are meeting up with me here, then we're going to Merivale together for 5).
Woke up, homeroom... Um... I don't really remember. Whatever. Doesn't matter. Parenting was just... Bleh. Sat around and let people listen to my music. They stole some of my CD's. They better give them all back by Monday or I'll be pissed. lol!
I didn't feel like going to Math, so I didn't. Instead I went to Subway with Mal, Jade, Sharlyn, Gavin and Jen. We sat around and talked for a bit about whatever. Tonight, at midnight, everyone is quitting smoking cold-turkey. I dunno, it doesn't seem like the brightest idea to me to just quit all at once, but hey, whatever floats their boat, I guess.
Lunch was boring - I just sat around in the basement alone while listening to Finger Eleven. Then I had Photography, and I got Ryan to develop a picture he took of Greg and I. I'm giving him a piggy-back in it, so it's a fun picture. XD
I joined Greg and Kelsey's drama class again today, because Mr.Mo was still not there, and I still didn't have anything better to do. I just watched them play games again. That was fun.
Careers was more enjoiable today. I almost skipped because we had a supply teacher, but then decided against it because I need to pass it. Anyways, we were put into our groups and we had to do something, but we didn't do it. Instead we talked about Go-Gaia - I didn't know that Seirha and Mike were on it, too! Then we played Asshole and I lost. Boo.
Finally, came home, took a shower, and here I am. Ho-ly shit, I just wrote this blog in about 6 minutes! No fucking joke, I looked at the clock before I started! Geezus christ I'm a fast typer!
Grant will be picking Becky up at the HS, then bring her here. He needs to park his car by my house, and we don't want to wait by the school for an extra hour. Then, we'll meet up with the hundreds of people who are going, and flood to the theatre and see Van Helsing. Yay for social lives!
...I still need to get dressed! I should go do that now, then.
My sister was really bitchy this morning, so I laughed and poked fun at her a lot. She didn't like that much, but it only made it funnier.
Anyways...
Roxanne and Ryan did their project on the Incas today in Ancient Civs. *shrugs* that was... eh. I was about as excited as I can be while learning. And English was just boring. Actually, Parenting was, too. I just talked to Steven about whatever while we watched Josh turn his belt into a wrist band.
I kind of drifted today at lunch, talking with random people about whatever. Erica mentioned that she'd be doing a photo-shoot after school today for her project, and her models were going to be Chris and Mal. I was just like "Okay, whatever. ...Wait, [i]Mal[/i]?" I told her that I would not use the same model as her, and if Mal did hers, I'd have to get a new one. I was pissed, but I was able to keep it in. Erica didn't seem to care.
I talked to Mal a little while after, and she said that since she promised me first, she'd bail out of Erica's. Well, now it was [i]her[/i] turn to get pissed off. She threw a silent fit at first, and would bitch about me behind my back (she was doing it quite loudly, so it wasn't hard to hear her).
Drama was right after lunch, and we had a supply teacher because Mr.Mo was out on a field trip or something. Greg and Chris joined our class. At one point, Kelsey lay on the ground, and I lay with my head on her back (she was lying on her stomach), then Greg came and lay his head on my stomach and we just talked for about 15 minutes. Afterwards we spread and talked with different groups, and I hung out with Kayla, Chris, Andrea and Eric.
Class ended, and I had Photography. Greg and I walked into the class - oh, ya, I promised him I'd go to his Drama class, which he had last that day, so we had the entire afternoon together! lol! So anyways, we walk in, and Erica follows shortly after. She just starts screaming at me because I wouldn't "let" her use Mal in her pictures.
I didn't raise my voice once to her, I kind of gave her the "whatever" reaction, to make her think like I didn't care about how she felt, because I honestly didn't; but I was hiding the fact that I was just as equally pissed at her for trying to use the same model as me. And, she kept fighting with me, even after Mal said she wouldn't do her pictures. What's the point of bitching at me if Mal [i]chose[/i] not to do hers? I didn't tell Mal to choose mine over hers, I just explained the situation and [i]she[/i] said she'd do mine.
Staci came to school just for that one class today, so she and Ryan dragged me away from Erica and into the dark room to help Staci with her solarizing picture. Sasha and Keegan were in the dark room again, this time with Katie, Tara and Ceilia. They were still holding the same outline of conversation topics as they were yesterday. Very entertaining.
They were sitting in a circle in chairs in the middle of the dark room, and Katie mentioned how we were just off to the side, and she felt that we might think that the topic was too "vulgar" for us. Keegan just laughed and said "It's just Sarah, Ryan and Staci! There as good as in the group! If there were a few more chairs, they'd be sitting right here with us!" I didn't know if he was just joking, or if he was serious - I'm actually leaning towards thinking he was serious, because we [i]were[/i] talking yesterday. I just kind of assume off the bat that it was a joke, because, well...
Because of what Sasha did in grade 9. He was in the band, and he played 3rd clarinet, just like me. So, naturally, he sat beside me. He would bug me constantly, hitting on me, asking me out, commenting - he never said anything negative to me, but he didn't have to. I knew he was just doing it all as a joke. That's one of the reasons my self esteem was so low. It's also the reason why I assume everyone's joking when they hit on me like he was (That doesn't include my friends, I know that's all a joke because... well... they're my friends! We always do that sort of shit!). So, talking to him now, two years later, and being "included" in their little conversations about incredibly personal subject matter doesn't strike me as serious.
On their way out Sasha asked me if I enjoied listening to their conversation, and I just laughed and said "Very much so!", because it's true. I wanted to jump in and tell some stories of my own, but I think I would have emotionally scarred Ryan for life. Also, I don't like Ceilia [i]at all[/i]. I'm sure they'll be talking again tomorrow, and hopefully the girls won't be in the dark room so I'll be able to add comments here and there.
(I feel uncomfortable talking to girls I'm not close with about that sort of thing, but I don't care when it comes to guys I'm not close with. With them my life is an open book. I don't know why for sure it differs between the two - I'm just more comfortable around guys than girls.).
So, as planned, I went to Greg's Drama class. Kelsey is the peer-mentor, so she was there too. It was mainly her and I hanging out for the first 20 minutes or so, then she decided to let the grade 10's play games. Greg came and sat with me. Actually, he came to where I was, and made me sit on his lap to prove to me that he could support my weight. So ya, I watched the gr.10's play games while sort of half-sitting on Greg's lap (I moved slightly so I wasn't crushing him). XD lol!
After school, Geoff decided to wait with me for Grant. Mal, Erica, Katie, Chris, Kayla and Greg all decided to wait for Andrew to get home from his field trip, and they waited with us, as we waited with them. lol! Hanging out with everyone in a group like that again was fun ('cept for Erica... I could have done without her).
Grant got to the school an hour late - but he had a good reason. Ben, his brother, took his car without telling him, so he had to get his dad to bring home another one for him (his dad owns a dealership). Whatever, it didn't matter - just so long as he eventually got there safely. That was the main thing, actually - I was kind of worried he had got himself stuck in another ditch or something. lol!
We rented two movies; Johnny English and... Oh geez I can't remember the other one. Once Upon a Time in Mexico is the sequal to it... Bah. Oh well. Whatever. I hadn't seen the second one, and he hadn't seen Johnny English, mainly because he heard bad things about it.
Omg, who can say bad things about that movie??? It's fucking awesome - I saw it in the theatres in BC, and since then I've seen it like, 3 or 4 more times on DVD. It's awesome! I love it. When / if I ever have enough money, I plan on buying it! As for the second one... Meep. So bloody. I would laugh whenever someone died, but cringe when someone would get hurt and live. It's the whole pain factor - because you know the character is in pain when he gets hurt - but if he dies, then it's all good. Y'know? ...Ya, I'm messed up.
Tomorrow, as I've already mentioned, we're all going to see a movie. Grant will be meeting Steven for the first time. I asked him, to make sure, if he'd be alright with that. He doesn't have a problem. Then he asked if Steven would, and I just laughed and replied "He shouldn't!". Then he and I were joking that I should tell Steven tomorrow before he meets Grant that he's a football player. Technically, he was, apparently - in grade 9. He was benched the entire season, but he was still a football player! lol! He's just a little guy, too; Steven could take him easilly. I'm not impying that there'd be a fight or anything, we were just joking.
I just don't want Grant sitting there, looking at Steven and thinking "That's the guy my girlfriend fucked.". I mentioned that to Becky, because she's going to be there tomorrow (well, I would have told her anyways, but I just thought I'd mention that too) and she just said: "[i]I think Grant's too easy going, and cares about you too much to be like that[/i]." (exact quote). It was only then that I realised that she's probably right. He says that he doesn't care, and I believe him, but I still can't help but worry sometimes anyways. It's what I do. I worry way too much.
...Scratch all that, Becky just informed me that Steven's not going after all. *phew*
~~~~~~~~~~
Random quiz-like thing I stole from Mal's LJ:
Rules: On your current playlist, hit shuffle and pick the first twenty songs on the list (no matter how cheesy or embarrassing), and write down your favorite verse / line of the song. Try to avoid putting the song title in the line. Then have your friends comment and see if they know the songs.
1. "All of my hate cannot be found / I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming / So you can try to tear me down / Beat me to the ground / I will see you screaming" 2. "once again your eyes make it hard to ask you why / So I sit here knuckles tight / Hands against the wheel / Your head against the glass and you mean so much to me / To me / To me" 3. "This day never seems to end / This pain, never / This day never seems to end / The rage, I can not let go" 4. "Touch your lips just so I know / In your eyes, love, it glows so / I'm bare-boned and crazy... for you" 5. "Skin against skin blood and bone / You're all by yourself but you're not alone / You wanted in now you're here / Driven by hate consumed by fear" 6. "I saw that pregnant girl today / She didn't know that it was dead inside / Even though it was alive / Some of us are really born to die" 7. "She paints her nails and she don't know / He's got her best friend on the phone / She'll wash her hair / His dirty clothes are all he gives to her / And he's got posters on the wall / Of all the girls he wished she was / And he's everything to her" 8. "Felt that I belonged / And now I feel that gone / Where it all went wrong / I traced it all along / Back here again" 9. "He is the lamb, she is the slaughter / She's moving way too fast and all he wanted was to hold her / Nothing that he tells her is really having an effect / He whispers that he loves her / But she's probably only looking for..." 10. "Everyone complains about you / They don't even know what I've been through / I don't have the pain to doubt you / I just wanna throw you to the crowd" 11. "Fumbling his confidence / And wondering why the world has passed him by / Hoping that he's bent for more than arguments / And failed attempts to fly, fly" 12. "Time does tell / That even if they say so / She'd be the one that would know / That I did do what I've done / And I, I wouldn't call it cheating / I'd just say I was leading her on / Why walk while I run a-way" 13. "Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name / Nobody came / Father McKenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave / No one was saved" 14. "I turn off the lights / So you can't see my eyes / My fingers are crossed / While I promise the world to you / And I feel like I'm walking on air / Believing a lie when I thought that you cared" 15. "Everyday is a new day / I’m thankful for every breath I take / I won’t take it for granted / So I learn from my mistakes" 16. "How many times have you been pushed around? / Was anybody there? / Does anybody care? / How many time have your friends let you down? / Was anybody there? / Did anybody stare?" 17. "And I give it all away / Just to have somewhere to go to / Give it all away / To have someone to come home to" 18. "I think the chain broke away / And I felt it the day that I had my own time / I took advantage of myself and felt fine / But it was worth the night / I caught an early flight and I made it home" 19. "In the instant that you love someone / In the second that the hammer hits / Reality runs up your spine / And the pieces finally fit" 20. "The first little piggy, his house is made of wood / He lives in a chicken turkey piggy neighborhood / He likes to fuck his sister, and drink his moonshine / A typical redneck filthy fuckin' swine"
I don't remember what we talked about in Ancient Civs, and I fell asleep in Math. English was dull, we just translated quotes from Macbeth.
Lunch was not fun at all, because I was depressed for no real reason. I just kind of felt left out. Everyone in the basement formed a circle, and they just so happened to cut it off at me, so I wasn't involved. Then no one even seemed to notice that I was there, because no one said a word to me. And when Kim was handing out food, she didn't even look in my direction, and ya, I was actually hungry, so I would have taken it too. Oy... Whatever. It's not a fun feeling to have, thinking your friends don't care that you exist.
I just wished that Mal or Jade had come down to say hi for at least 5 minutes, so I'd have [i]someone[/i] to talk to. Well, actually, Greg came down and he passed everyone and sat across from me and asked what was up. At least I know that I'm cared about at least a [i]little[/i] bit.
Careers after lunch. Blarg. Actually, Staci came today! So I was very happy! I haven't seen her in about two weeks, and I was wondering where she dissapeared to. Apparently she had a mental break-down, which is really sad. She doesn't need that. I read some of her poems, and they were so depressing! But hey, that's what most teenage poetry is, right? We just talked about what's been going on with people in the past little while. It was good to get updated, and to update her.
Drama. We practiced our lines more, and blah blah blah. Oh ya, yesterday Mal told me (at the Insight show) that Chris and Kayla were now "official". My first thought was "Holy fucking soap opera!" First he loves Mandy, then he loves Kayla, then he loves Mandy again, then he doesn't love either and he just wants Mandy as a fuck-buddy, and now *poof* he and Kayla are together??? *shrugs* Whatever, not my business. I'm just happy for Kayla - Chris is a good guy. (I just remembered that because I asked Kayla if what I heard about them was true in Drama class).
Last period of the day was Photography. I helped Staci with her double-exposure picture, since she still had to do it. We hung out in the dark room and listened to the "interesting" conversations that Sasha and Keegan were having. They were first talking about prostitutes, then whether or not a lot of anal-sex would stretch out the muscles in your ass hole, then about certain areas in the town that are not friendly places, and finally, about druggies. That's when Staci and I jumped into the conversation because it was so plainly obvious we were listening to them and we may as well join. That was fun.
It was so funny, Sasha was talking to Keegan about prostitutes and slutty girls, and whenever he would reply he would be looking at me. Sasha was just like "Why do you keep looking at Sarah when you're talking about prostitutes???" Then Keegan was like "No no no! She's staring off into space, and she's been looking at that one spot for the past 5 minutes - I'm just wondering what the hell she's doing!" Ya, I was off in my own little world, I didn't even realise he was staring at me until he pointed it out! Good times.
Caught a bus home because I didn't feel like walking in my sandals (that would hurt after a while), and now I'm here. The end!
The Insight Show... Wow, now was [i]that[/i] ever fun! LOL! At first we weren't sure if any of us could go, because Grant said he had to stay home and do homework. Next thing I know he's coming to get me and Dan in 15 minutes. I was happy.
Grant came and got me, then we went and got Dan at the library (a good landmark for him to find, and it's close to Dan's house). We took this long detour, because Grant didn't know any other way to get there. We were all panicking, thinking we were going to be late for the start of the show. We got there at 7:50-ish, and we saw everyone outside, so we knew we were good.
We hung out with Mal in the park just outside the building while the members of Insight warmed up. It was said to start at 8, but it got pushed back until 8:30 due to reasons that are unknown to me. Whatever, didn't matter.
Mal would make fun of me and my past sexual experiences [i]right in front of Grant[/i], and all I could think or say was "You didn't just say that...". I mean, I know he says he's cool with everything, but it must be incredibly awkward for him to have to hear about what his girlfriend has done in the past. No, worse than that, [i]hints[/i] at what his girlfriend has done. I wasn't mad at Mal for it, on some level it was funny, but on another level it was totally embarassing! Whatever, he didn't seem bothered by it... He's so great. ^^
Today was the first day I had seen Becky or Dan since the LAN party, so when I saw Becky, my natural reaction was to give her a big hug. So, I ran up to her, and she[i] jumped[/i] on me! I fell over, and she dragged me along the floor and out of the door. I was just like, "Ow! My everything! ...Hi Becky!"
The show itself was awesome! "It couldn't have been me - I don't use contraceptives! That's why I have 17 children, 3 STI's and a strange burning sensation when I pee!" - BEST LINE[i] EVER[/i]! Becky tried to say one of her lines near the end, but she was laughing so hard that she just couldn't get it out! Mal and I were doubled over laughing because we knew it wasn't part of the show, since we had just seen it a little over a month ago.
I still found Geoff's bit on bisexuals amusing - because he's talking about how bi's are all sex-starved and want it twice as badly as normal people, and the "bi" girl he's talking to corrects him on this (that's the little skit thing). It's funny because [i]he's bi[/i]! XD
After the show we hung around and pretended to rape each other. That was fun. Finally, Grant, Dan, Becky and I all decided to head off. Grant agreed to drive Becky home, and she lives all the way out in Kanata. So, the four of us all get into the car and off we go! Hahaha - aw, I felt so bad for Grant, because Becky was really messing with his head with the directions of how to get there. He got so stressed... *pat*pat*pat*
Before we took her home, we went to a Tim Horton's that was like, across the street from her house. Yup, it was about 11pm and we were drinking coffee. That was s-m-r-t! Fun as hell, though. Dan actually asked me if I had the guts to have lesbian sex with Becky. Not only did I find the question itself weird, but the wording of it, too. Did I have "the guts"? Well, one, I wouldn't have sex with Becky because she's too much of a friend. And two, we're both seeing someone anyways - and cheating is cheating. Besides, I don't even think she's bi. o.O Weird.
Becky got home safely, and Grant got to see one of the teachers at his school, her dad, at his house. [i]That[/i] was funny! We dared him to walk into the house just by himself and turn to him and say "[i]I know where you live[/i]!" and walk out, but he wouldn't go for it. Ah well, it would have been fucking hilarious if he had. lol!
So, it was just us three now, trying to get out of Kanata and back to Nepean. We actually managed better [i]without [/i]Becky instructing. Hm... Hahaha! Dropped Dan off first, then me. It was bad, I got home at about midnight, and it takes Grant about 15-20 minutes to get home... He's gonna be in shit. Dan was, apparently. I talked to him on MSN when I got in and his mom is [i]pissed[/i]. That's not cool.
Fortunately, my mom was asleep on the couch when I got in, so she need not know how late it was when I arrived. *shifty eyes*
Woke up, got to school late-ish, went to Parenting first. We just sat around and talked about whatever. It was fun. Math was next, and it was dull. We were assigned more work, but I didn't feel like doing it. Whatever. Then English; we talked more about product placement. Blarg.
I went to the mall with Mal at lunch. Then I had my spare afterwards. I got to baby-sit Newf, Steven's mouse. It was fun, but I think I emotionally scarred Chris with my baby-talk. XD. Careers was next, and we did some budgeting for our role characters. Boring.
We got let out early, because the teachers had to all go to this meeting thing. *shrugs*. I caught the bus home, and then took a shower. Wow... Only three paragraphs? Today wasn't very entertaining, then! Gaah!
Tonight I'm going to the Insight show, I hope; Mal, Jade, Grant and Dan are all supposed to go, too, but every single one of them said that there's a chance of them not being able to. Friday I'm going to see a movie with the group, and on Saturday I still want to go to Rideau. *crosses fingers* I hope all the above works out!
Last night I ended up having this huge conversation with Grant. It started with me bitching about how teenagers take everything so badly, and think that the world is coming to an end every time something bad happened. He just said that every teenager does the same thing; he did when his ex broke up with him, and I took it even a step further when Steven broke up with me.
Then we drifted topics and started talking about Steven, and how he used to have cancer, and how I was reacting to that. I had never told him myself that my ex boyfriend had cancer and was getting treatments practically the entire time we were together, so it was a topic that was bound to come up sooner or later. I don't know why, but it was just weird talking to him about it.
Grant was acting like a total sweetheart, and I just thought, [i]what did I do to deserve him[/i]? I actually came right out and said that he was too good for me, but then immideately apologized for absolutly everything I had said in our conversation. I mean, he didn't need to hear me bitch... And, just when I thought he couldn't get any [i]more[/i] sweet, he said:
"[i]See, I feel like I should be appologising for something I said. And maybe I should appologise for what I'm about to say... But when I look at this, from as much of an outside perspective as I can, I see us, both trying to cling on to each other, afraid of losing the other, even though we both feel the same way. Atleast... I really, really hope that you feel the same way about me that I do about you[/i]."
I started to cry. I don't think he has any idea just how strongly I feel about him. I want to tell him, but I don't know if it'll come off as too weird, seeing as we've only been together for about 2 weeks now. I'll let things be for now; time will help me.
Hm... As for this morning, I don't remember it at all. It was like, I woke up, and I was at school. *shrugs* I guess it was because I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night. Whatever.
In home room / Ancient Civs, we were talking about whether or not it was okay to torture people. Mr.VanDusen started reading out different torture devices and explaining what they did in great detail. It was really bad! There was this one torture device that was basically a giant frying pan that they used in ancient Rome to fry Christians. I was just like "Wow... That's not cool!" As I, like, threw up in a bucket. lol.
I talked to Mal and Jade about the Insight show tomorrow, and they both want to go - I think Kelsey and Steven are planning on going, too, but I don't know how they're all gonna get there. Hell, I don't even know how [i]I'm[/i] going to get there. Grant [i]should[/i] be going, but he may have other things he has to do. That would really suck if he couldn't go!
Math was so boring - we just learned how to exchange money. Oy. Surprise surprise, he was teaching us something we [i]already[/i] knew! Who would have guessed? Anyways, he assigned 3 pages of work and said "Do whichever questions you want, and however many questions you want - just make sure you go over it enough times to make sure you know it." I didn't have any thing else to do, so I did the first 5 questions (each question went from a - g, each letter with a part i and ii. That's quite a bit of work I did!).
During lunch I went into the Drama room and watched my friends reherse the Time Warp for Air Bands. I noticed something really funny but incredibly mean, but I'm not going to write about it in here just incase he or she comes across it. Gavin continued to try and organize the movie thing for Friday night - I told him I'd be able to go, even though I haven't even talked to my parents about it yet. Oh well, they [i]should[/i] let me go, it's not a school night afterall.
Photography was a lot of fun today. Ryan decided to use me and Greg for his models for his project; he chose sadness. I think I mentioned this before. But anyways, we had just "broken up", so we were supposed to be next to tears kind of thing, right? We were [i]so[/i] hyper, we'd burst out laughing every 2 seconds! Ryan started to get really fed up with us, but we were having so much fun! Greg would jump behind the camera and make faces at me when I was posing, omg, it was sooo hard to keep a straight face! Ryan actually got a picture of me laughing my ass off by accident! XD! To finish off the roll, he took a picture of me carrying Greg like a baby, and one of me giving him a piggy-back ride.
It was so unbelievable that Greg and I would ever be dating, too, because... He's Greg! He's short(ish) and skinny, and I'm tall and not-as-skinny - it would just [i]look[/i] wrong if we were together. lol!
Afterwards, Erica brought out this hair-gel stuff, and Greg and Chris messed around with their hair. Greg looked like the bride of Frankenstein - his hair was standing on end, like he was just shocked. Chris's hair didn't work at all, and he had to wash it out. Aw. lol!
Photography ended, and I had my Bio / Spare. I sat in the basement with Chris for a while, then Jade and that girl I can't seem to remember the name of right now came. We sat and talked about nothing for a little while, then we decided we'd try to pick the lock of the tunnels and walk through them. I had never been in the tunnels before, so I was all hyped up about it. Unfortunately, Chris's army knife wasn't a good enough pick, and we couldn't get in. Jade said she'd bring in something better tomorrow to get the lock open for our spare right after lunch XD Should be fun!
Careers last today *boo*hiss*. We took more notes, and then we had to divide ourselves into our neighbourhood group-thingies. I got to talk to Sairha and Gabby about hair dye and stuff, so that was fun. We also bitched about Steven skipping classes and the posiblility of him getting expelled because of it. Everyone had a bit to add to the conversation about what was bugging them about Steven, so I was glad to realise that I'm not the only one who has issues with him.
I hung around in the Drama room some more after school was over, and just did nothing, talking and bugging random people while they waited for everyone to get to the rehersal. Once nearly everyone was there, I left to go outside and wait for Grant. Katie went with me, and she'd come and go.
We went to his mom's house and watched "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels" - good movie. I loved the accents in it! Hehehe! Ah, that's just because British accents amuse me to no end. There was a sign in the movie, "Sex Shop" - I laughed each time they showed it. I knew it [i]meant[/i] Strip Club, but... Ya, you know what I was thinking. lol! XP After the movie was over we watched the Simpsons, that 70's Show, then some random comedy, and finally headed off to his dad's down the road.
We often tease each other about anything possible, so I was teasing him about one thing and he just started talking about how he couldn't get me back for it. So I told him to pick any one of my many deformalities to make fun of, and he just looked up and down me and said "I'm having trouble finding one.". ...I dunno, I just found that really sweet. lol!
Gaah! He's much too good to be true... Someone pinch me! *faints*
Yesterday I didn't do much at all - I was incredibly bored, that's why I filled in that survey and took that quiz. But, um, I'm trying to remember if there was anything specific I did... Nope.
Well, I did go through my files a lot yesterday. I was going through all the pictures I have of my friends and family, and I decided that I didn't have enough (even though I had over 200). I started asking people to send me pictures of themselves, and now I'm up past 250 (right-click on a folder, click on properties, it'll tell you how many files are in there XP).
I absolutly love having pictures of my friends and family! At least once a week I go through my photoalbum, scrap book and the pictures on my computer just because I can. The more pictures I have, the happier I am. It gives me more to look at, and more to remember.
Mal sent me a whole bunch as she was taking them with her webcam (she posted them up in her LJ - go check them out!). And omg, she is [i]sooooo[/i] pretty! Gaah! Go look, [i]now[/i]!
I ended up cleaning out a whole bunch of pictures I no longer like, and I went through my recieved files from MSN. I've been wanting to clean that folder out for a [i]loooong[/i] time, and I finally did. I kept some things, but not much. Most of it's all gone, so it's much easier to find specific things in there.
Hehe - I'm [i]still[/i] collecting pictures, because I still want more! I want at least one picture of each of my friends; so I have a lot more I need to get!
This morning was really weird. I woke up at 10am, but didn't want to get out of bed so I went back to sleep. I ended up having this really twisted dream...
[i]There were these three guys in my house, fighting each other, it was two against one. They didn't want anything to do with me or my family - they were just in our house. *shrugs*. Guy#1 and guy#2 were on the same side, and guy#3 was the "innocent" one. Actually, a guy I know from my neighbourhood was guy#2, his name is Josh. Guy#3 was a guy in my science class last year, Pascal. I didn't know who guy#1 was. So Josh and guy#1 started pounding on Pascal, and he started to fight back. Me and this guy I don't know, who was supposedly my best friend (it could have been Alex from my Drama class last year... I dunno, kinda looked like him, only skinnier), were just sitting on my desk watching them pound the shit out of each other in my bedroom. Josh pulled a knife out at Pascal and I jumped up and started screaming at my friend to call the cops. He just shruged and walked out of my house. I knew he wasn't going to call them, so I did. By the time they got there, Pascal and guy#1 were out cold in my room, and Josh was stealing things from Steph's room. They arrested Josh, and took Pascal to the hospital since he was still alive. Guy#1, though, was dead. They didn't do anything to Pascal, though, because it was all self-defence. I had to go to court and everything, as well as my friend, because we were the only witnesses.[/i]
It was very fucked up.
I woke up, and remembered that today is Mother's Day. I hung out with my mom a bit, then went online for a while. I ended up going back in my archives to my old blogs from April and reading them all. It was a lot of fun, because I now remember things I had forgotten. That's one of the reason's I started a blog in the first place - so I could read back and remember things. ^^
My mom just randomly told me that my cousin Geoff finally has a new part time job. He'll be working at the air port this summer counting parts. Oooh. We all made jokes about whether or not he'll be able to [i]keep[/i] this job. He has issues with being able to hold a job for longer than a month; not because he gets fired, but because he gets bored, or thinks it's too much work. He's just really lazy and hates working. lol! He knows that we all make fun of him for it, too - and he doesn't care, he joins in, even! Hehe, he's so great. But ya, counting parts, that doesn't seem [i]too[/i] complicated. I'm sure he'll be able to keep it for the summer. lol!
So my dad, sister, and I all went out to buy my mom the new Norah Jones (sp?) CD for mothers day. We looked around Best Buy at computer monitors and such for Steph, since she's going to be getting a computer in her room within the next week we're assuming. We bought the CD, then headed off.
After we left Best Buy, my dad pulled off onto a quiet street and let me drive for a bit. I knew he was going to give me a driving lesson, but I just assumed it would be in a parking lot again. I didn't know he was going to let me drive on real roads! Gaah! That was [i]sooooo [/i]fun, though! I'm getting a lot better, so says my dad. I was practically shitting myself whenever another car would pass me coming the other way! Hahaha!
Afterwards I came home and just sat around organizing some more pictures, and continued reading over my blogs from April for no real reason. I was just really bored.
Again, I'm trying to organize a group of people to go to Rideau next weekend. This time, however, I'm giving people more of an advanced warning, so that they can ask ahead of time and make sure they can go! Instead of making it a last minute thing and having everyone cancel. That sucks major ass. We don't want that.
Hm... That's all I have to say I guess. 'Til next time, then.
[b]RIGHT NOW:[/b] WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: gray-ish black denim WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?: black hoodie ARE YOU WEARING UNDERWEAR?: well duh WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO? "Sic Transit Gloria" - Brand New WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE: I dunno, haven't been outside today. I'm assuming cold-ish, like yesterday and the day before. *shrugs*
[b]DO YOU: [/b] GET MOTION SICKNESS? sometimes - not in the car or anything, just sometimes in rollercoasters or mosh pits GET LOVE-SICK?: in the sense that I miss Grant, yes - constantly HAVE A BAD HABIT?: who doesn't? mine would have to be cracking my knuckles too much GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: more or less, yes LIKE TO DRIVE?: it's fun - but I haven't been out driving much lately. I should go do that some time soon...
[b]FAVOURITE:[/b] TV SHOW: the Simpsons, That 70's Show, 3rd Rock, Just for Laughs CONDITIONER: Dove BOOK: Carrie, by Stephen King - I read it in 3 nights MAGAZINE: nintendo power (I don't read it much, but Steph does - and she tells me about the things I'd care about) NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: iced tea, lemonade, vanilla soy-milk ALCOHOLIC DRINK: I haven't had anything I've liked yet THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: hang out with friends BAND or GROUP or SINGER or RAPPER: Finger Eleven (ultimate fave, for sure - but there are too many other favs to list, so I won't even bother)
[b]HAVE YOU:[/b] BROKEN THE LAW: hell ya RAN AWAY FROM HOME: the only thing that held me back was the fact that I was $10 short of a bus ticket to PEI - by the time I had the money, I had changed my mind SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: sure, all the time - but just to go to the field to think for an hour or so. nothing too big. SKINNY DIPPING: not yet, but there's still time ;P MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: hahaha good times. we ordered 2 large pizzas with everything on it from two different pizza places, then called two taxi services and sent it all to the same house! STOLE YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD?: had no need to, they buy me practically everything I ask for! SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: hahaha! that's a joke question, right? of COURSE I have! hahaha! FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: yup, I woke up when the hot water ran out. BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: nope LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: of course, I'd never turn my back on a friend!
[b]RELATIONSHIPS:[/b] BOYFRIEND: yup GIRLFRIEND: naw SEXUALITY: bisexual with a pref. for guys CHILDREN: not now - maybe later CURRENT CRUSH: it doesn't really count as a crush if I'm going out with him... BEEN IN LOVE?: yup HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE?: yes, but after three months he made it INCREDIBLY easy for me to get over him. BEEN HURT?: many times, but you just have to pick yourself up and move on *shrugs* YOUR GREATEST REGRET: I regret nothing - I've learned to accept everything I've done, because it's a part of who I am. what's done is done. GONE OUT WITH SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: no, but I had a relationship only last about 3 days (actually, 4, but w/e).
[b]WHEN/WHAT WAS THE LAST:[/b] TIME YOU CRIED?: yesterday in Parenting class YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: I've never gotten a "real" letter - just postcards... YOU GOT E-MAIL: yesterday from my mom THING YOU PURCHASED: Matrix Revolutions on DVD PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: Just for Laughs this morning with my mom
[b]YOUR THOUGHTS ON:[/b] ABORTION: I'm very much pro-life. I just realise that it's not my place to try and change other people's opinions. TEENAGE SMOKING: I'm against any smoking, at any age - I've seen what it can do to family, friends, and myself. not something you want to get into. ever. THE SPICE GIRLS: I was obsessed with them. I had posters all over my walls - I think my count was up past 36 or something... I'm definately over that phase now! DREAMS: I really don't want to get into my beliefs on dreams, because then everyone would think I'm insane and I don't need that.
Today was a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions for me...
This day started off [i]terribly[/i]. I woke up already in a bad mood (it's "that time of the month"). And I had slept in, so my dad was just yelling at me to get ready really fast and get in the car and I was just like "I'm gonna need a bit of time..." Urgh, he left with my sister without me. Bastard.
When I finished getting myself ready (he was already gone), I realised I had absolutly [i]no[/i] socks. My mom had washed them all the night before, but never took them out of the machine, so I had to wait 20 minutes for them to dry before I could leave. There was [i]no way[/i] I was going to wear sandals - it was cold!
So ya, I walked into Ancient Civs half way through Sasha's project. His presentation was about the Samurai. *shrugs* I didn't miss anything important.
In English class today, we did something different to take a break from Macbeth for a little while. We may have finished the play, but there are still things we need to go over. Anyways, yes, we watched a video about hip-hop music videos used for advertising merch. I didn't even realise it before, but it was all right there. Which, infact, was the goal - they want it to be subliminal. I mean, I'm not stupid, just because I see a product in a video doesn't mean I'm gonna go out and buy it. Hell, I hate hip-hop, why would I want to buy the baggy-ass pants anyways? Not only are the clothes expensive, but they're also ugly as hell. I mean, why would you want to shit away your money on a pair of pants that'll end up wrapped around your ankles? It's fucking retarded, and it just looks incredibly stupid. But hey, in 20 years I'll look back to old pictures of me now and ask myself "What was I [i]thinking[/i]?" XD Though, I'd much rather be this freaky semi-punk-goth mix than a wigger. A [i]female[/i] wigger, at that! *shudders*
Parenting was interesting, to say in the least. I talked to Josh a bit at the beginning about random stuff; which was fun, because I always thought he kind of didn't like me. *shrugs*. We were talking about the assignment Mr.L gave us the other day, where we have to write the childrens story (the one I've [i]already[/i] finished), and Steven joined in. He asked if he could read my story, so I let him. After he was done he was just like "Aw, that was so sweet! It's perfect!" Which actually made me really happy to hear.
Somehow our table got onto the topic of grandparents, and I just turned to Steven and asked him if I had told him what was happening with Grammy lately. He knows her - hell, he should, we were together for a year. She was like his adoptive grandmother. Apparently I didn't tell him yet, so I explained about her mini-strokes. I actually broke down into tears, and as I was doing so I could hear Jade begging me not to cry, or she'd start too. It was out of my control, though. Steven just put his arm around me and talked to me, telling me everything would be alright.
It was weird, in a way, that he was the one to talk to me about it; because I haven't really talked to him in about a month. I just started looking him in the eye again this week. Next thing I know he's letting me use his shoulder to cry. To be honest, I don't think I'd have let any one else do that. Steven's the only one who knows my Gram, and also understands more about how my mind works when I'm depressed. He has always been there with open arms and a kleenex whenever I need it. I mean, sure, he did a [i]REALLY[/i] fucking stupid thing, but he's still a sweetheart. He always has been.
Damn me and my forgiving nature!
(Don't take this as I'm falling back, because I'm not. I've just forgiven him for what he did. I mean, I still don't have any respect for him because of it, but I'm not going to hold a grudge against him. His kindness towards a girl who has done nothing but give him the cold shoulder all month makes up for his dumbass-ness.)
For lunch today, I went to the Drama room to vote for next year's Drama Council. I actually wanted to leave, but it would have been rude if I just got up and left. Andrew said if I voted for him for Special Events Rep, he'd admit that I dumped him. I was going to vote for him anyways; but hey - this way I got something out of it! VICTORY! *dances* It was kind of stupid, because we both know that I dumped him, he just put up a fight to annoy me (btw, job well done); and this was, I'm assuming, his subtle way of dropping the fight and letting me win without admiting it, and getting a vote out of it.
Drama was right after lunch, so I didn't have to move. Geoff and I went over our lines, since Carl wasn't there. I'm more or less off book now! Go me! We had to do this blocking excersize, but we couldn't do it because Carl wasn't there, too. So, instead of letting us sit off to the side, Mr.Mo grabbed a script and read for Carl. I think we actually got some good stuff out of that excersize, that we can actually use in the preformance. So I was quite happy with the activity. lol.
We got a new assignment in Photography class. We're supposed to pick a theme, and make three pictures to fit with the theme. There was love, fear, sadness, confusion, and envy. Ryan chose sadness, and wants to get me and Greg to model for his pictures. I helped Greg with some ideas to do on fear. I, myself, chose love. I think it'd be fun to do. And, I want to be creative and expressive... That's why I'm getting two female models. The message shall be: love knows no gender. Just to make sure, I asked Ms.Coleman if she, or anyone who would be seeing my photo's, would be offended and she said no. So that made me happy. ^^
Spare last period. I lay down in the basement and kinda half-slept. Part way through I decided to get up and clean my locker. I don't know why, either - I just wanted to, so I did. I finished just as the bell went, so I went outside and read more of Time Enough for Love as I waited for Grant.
He had to do this project thing for a contest with his friend Kevin, so he was there, too. I didn't mind at all, actually. He's actually a good guy once you get past the nerdy-ness. lol! He challenged me to a thumb-war at some point during the night and I whooped his ass. It was fun! XD
We watched SLC Punk - it was a really good movie. Funny, but also depressing (I almost cried at the end. I had to stop myself because I didn't want Grant to see me cry! Gaah!). It also hit a little too close to home, what with the main character being a punk named Steve, a lot of talk about anarchy, and acid... Not cool. Other than that, though, I really liked it.
I just kind of diddled around for a couple hours afterwards, listening to random music, as Grant and Kevin worked on their entry for that programming contest. I had no idea what they were trying to do, but it didn't really matter. I still had fun hanging out with them, so s'all good.
Oh, I told Kevin a "little secret" about Grant, explaining why he's the way he is, but we wouldn't tell Grant what we were talking about. So he was going insane trying to figure out what the "little secret" was. It was great, I tortured him all evening! XD (I just made a joke about Grant being spec.ed. when he darted across the street while cars were coming; and it just kind of grew from there. LOL!)
We left his house at 10-ish, the time I was supposed to get home at. When I got in the door, mom was asleep on the couch. *phew*. I'll just tell her tomorrow I came in at 10:10 (instead of 10:30), and she was already asleep, and she won't be too mad. lol!
As for now, I must go to sleep. The advil I took has worn off and my headache has returned. Bah!
"...Say, where did all the Jews go?" -Davina. LOL!
I GOT RID OF THE DAMN BABY!!! YAAAAAY!!! Okay, so it wasn't [i]that[/i] bad, I just like complaining. It only woke me up once last night, at 3am to be fed, then changed, and then burped. A total of thirty minutes out of my regular sleeping.
Just before I left to get driven to school by my dad, Todd cried - diaper change. Then, on the way to school, he cried in the car and wanted to be fed. Omg! My dad had to help me get out of the car while I fed him, because I couldn't get out and get everything on my own! I went into the Parenting classroom to get rid of him once and for all, and Jade joined me because today was her day to have it. Mr.L wasn't there yet. Arg. Well, he came eventually; apparently I did really well, so that was good.
Ancient Civs was fun today - we were debating again. This time about how history is biased, because the people who first recorded it were biased in one way or another. Our example was Hitler; to us he was an evil man, but to the Germans he was great. He did wonderful things for Germany before he went crazy and started killing everyone.
Davina decided to add to the conversation and said: "Imagine if Hitler had won the war - all we'd hear is the good things he'd done. We'd probably never even know that he killed all those people. It'd be like [i]'Hitler's great! ...Say, where did all the Jews go?'[/i]." Everyone burst out laughing - it was so fucking hilarious! [i]Quote of the day![/i]
Math was what the French would call 'tres boring'. We learned a new formula for calculating the interest rate. Yes, I looked at it once and I already have it memorized: r=2NI/P(n+1). He assigned us some homework pages for it, and it was very easy. *shrugs* This math just makes sense to me, what can I say? XP
We finally finished Macbeth in English class! The ending was [i]so[/i] predictable, but I don't care! Still a kick-ass play! Yay! Lady Macbeth is so totally my hero - first she convinces Macbeth to kill Duncan, then she goes crazy, and then finally kills herself. WOOHOO!
I was in the Drama room for lunch today; everyone was rehersing for One Act's, and I decided to watch. I sat on the boxes with Jade and her little baby, and just as she was explaining that it hadn't cried yet today, it started to wail. lol! I also learned that the gravy used in the poutine was now vegetarian (Kim told me this, so I trust that info). So, today, I had a bit of caf poutine for the first time since... well, [i]ever[/i], actually. They're nothing special. Whatever.
Careers was right after, and I didn't feel like working on my little assignment thing, so I got a piece of paper out and wrote a story about ants. Yuuuup, ants. The first ant is a loner, and meets another semi-loner-ish ant, who introduces the first ant to a friend of his, and then the first ant ditches the second ant to hang with the third. They get back together a year later and decide to track down the first ant's lesbian friend from years ago, and the "lesbian" ant switches teams and falls in love with the second ant, and then they go to a leaf-rave and get stepped on. THE END! That wasn't the actual story, it was about two pages long (one piece of paper, both sides) - that was just the summary of what happens. *nods* ...I have no life. LOL! (it's very, VERY loosly based on myself, Dan, Grant, and Becky... [i]VERY[/i] loosly!).
Geoff wasn't in Drama class again today - he had an insight show. Carl and I decided to just go over scenes 4 and 5, since Geoff's character, Harry, wasn't in them. And, tomorrow, Carl won't be in class - so it should just be me and Geoff. This sucks, our group has only been together a couple times, three at most - each day someone else is gone! Ah well, either way, I have my lines more or less memorized. I'm good. I just hope Geoff and Carl are... *shifty eyes*
Dude! I actually finished my Photography montage today in class! I had enough time! I didn't know if I would or not, because I had to cut out all the pictures, position them. glue them on, then glue the entire picture onto the black background. BUT I DID IT! *is proud*. And I had time to spare, too. My montage turned out REALLY well, too! Jade, you're an amazing model! The pictures turned out beautifully, and they worked perfectly with the pumpkin background I had. XD YAY!
I waited outside for Grant to come pick me up after school. Debra, Katie and Andrew were staying after school, too, because there was a party being held in the staff room for everyone involved in the the Wiz production. It started at 3, just when I was expecting Grant to get there, so it was perfect, really. Hehe! We made jokes about cheese-string, and how it's made. Like, taking a rope and diping it into melted cheese or something. lol! Then Debra pretended to barf and looked at the invisible barf and was like "Hm... Looks like cheese!" and I was like "Let's sell it!" Second quote of the day. Haha!
Grant always blasts Incubus in the car, which is actually quite fun. Before I met him, I had never listened to Incubus before - but they're a really awesome band. Kazaa doesn't work on my computer because it's retarded, so I'm gonna try and get him to send me a whole shitload of their stuff. XP
We watched comedy for a while once we got to his house, and there was this one guy talking about a pro-wrestler who was on a rollercoaster and got hit in the face with a goose. A GOOSE! Aw man, I was crying I was laughing so hard!
Afterwards we decided to go to his mom's house to burn off SLC Punk from his computer there and bring it over, but he couldn't find a blank CD (they were all at his dad's), so he tried to do something else, and that failed. Oh well. While we were there, he grabbed Brain Candy, so we watched that instead. Funny movie - messed up, but funny nonetheless! Afterwards we just hung out and listened to music until 9 o'clock.
So I get into the door, and my mom's a little angry that I was late. I explained that we completely lost track of time (which is true), and she understood and brushed it off. *phew*. Then she told me our plans for the summer vacation. Ya, we have plans, apparently. I thought we were just gonna stay home this summer, but apparently we're going to Niagra Falls. *shrugs* none of us have ever been there before, that's why they decided they wanted to go. Something new. My mom's gonna see if the Lidstone's wanna come with. The Lidstone's are family friends of ours, who are our travel-buddies, if you will. Nearly every vacation we've gone on was with them (every vacation that was non-family related). They have a son who's Steph's age (15), Brent, and a younger daughter, Jemma, who I believe is 13? They also have an older daughter, Jade, who has a son (well, two, she put the other up for adoption), and she's never gone on a single vacation with us. But ya, they're a fun family to travel with, so I hope they can come!
...Fuck, I hope I don't ruin these plans with going to summer school! Gaah!
And I got to stop writing now (not that I had more to add, anyways) becuase my dad wants me to go to bed. *shrugs*.
I woke up this morning, but I didn't want to get out of bed. I had that "I didn't get enough sleep" feeling, even though I fell asleep at about midnight (meaning I [i]did[/i] get enough). Weird. I got to school early, and I picked up Todd from Mr.L. Yes, I got a name for the mechanical baby. He's named after the fox in the Fox and the Hound. I love that movie!
Kayla gave me back my blue sunglasses just before classes started. I don't know how she ended up with them, because I originally lent them to Steven, who then lent them to Chris. I think Chris may have lent them to her, but whatever. The point is I have them back now, and they're in one piece.
I had Parenting first, and I wore the blue sunglasses all class just because I was too lazy to take them off (Kayla had put them on me, thats how she gave them back). We were given an assignment, to write a story for a child that has a certain moral to it. I decided to actually [i]use[/i] my class time today, and I wrote it. I decided the moral of my story would be "don't judge others by the way they appear" (it's a big thing with me) - and my story is about a 7 year-old girl who moved to this new town and gets lost on her way to school. She ends up meeting this scary-looking old lady, who turns out to be [i]really[/i] nice and walks her to school. The end! It's only two pages (one piece of paper, front and back) but that's long enough. *shrugs*
Math was next, and he decided to give us an extra day to do our tax return assignment. Ya, I still don't get it, so I did dick-all. The baby actually about 40 minutes into class; he just needed to be rocked. I rocked him until the end of the period (only 10 minutes), and went to English. We watched more of the Macbeth movie. I'm actually quite shocked; we're already at the end of the play pretty much, and it feels like we just started it.
I went to the Photography room during lunch and got my film out of the closet and cut them into groups of five. I then decided I didn't feel like developing the pictures just yet, and went to the basement. I went to the dark room the next period, during my "spare". I got 5 different pictures of Jade developed by the end of the period, so I was proud.
Just as the bell went, Todd decided to cry. It wanted to be fed. I was literally trapped in the dark room! All my stuff was scattered around, and I couldn't very well collect it up and get to class while feeding the baby! I ended up being about 30 minutes late for Careers, and had to explain why to everyone. It was actually quite amusing, everyone laughed at me. lol!
Guess what? Todd cried again during Careers. about 8 minutes after I got there, too. He wanted to be rocked. Okay, not so bad. I rocked him, but after about 5 minutes of that he started to cry again, but this time he was just being cranky. He didn't need any "care", so I had to leave the classroom and just wait it out. It took about 7 minutes. One of the teachers actually came out and walked around with him while he cried. I found that very sweet, because she was an older teacher with a fake little baby, talking to it as if it were real (she knew it wasn't). hehe! ^^ She left, and I kept with him while he finished crying. Once he was done I could hear the gr.10's in my Careers class cheering. That was very amusing to me.
I was so tired by the time I got to Drama class. It was a work period (where we could use it to do any one of the Drama assignments he has given us), and I decided to curl up on the carpet with Todd and go to sleep. And I actually did, too. I woke up to him randomly cooing a couple times, which was actually kind of cute. Then he cried for a couple seconds just because.
"Look! He has ABC's on his socks - so when he looks at his feet, he can learn!" -Jen, Drama class. LOL!
Then school was over, and I was happy. Mom picked me up and drove me home, and here I am.
At about 3:05, he started to cry. He needed to be changed. Something new! After I changed his diaper, I changed his entire outfit - so now he's wearing a grey hoodie (sooo cute!). He cried again about 10 minutes later - another feeding. Arg! That took about 25 minutes, then I had to burp him. And [i]THEN [/i]he wanted me to rock him for ten minutes. Wow, that was not cool. I practically spent the entire hour taking care of him!
It's a good thing I keep a blog, because I have to write a journal about my day with him, and I do it [i]anyways[/i]. lol! All I really have to do is copy and paste, when you think about it... XD I'm so cheap.
...I'm gonna be up all night taking care of him! [i]Ahh![/i]
It'll be my day with the mechanical baby, and it's going to be hell. This one doesn't come with a key - when it cries, you actually have to feed it, or change its diaper, or burp it or whatever else there is to do! ...Fuck.
I need a name for my mechanical baby. I've named everything so far (I had to). There was the egg we had to carry around for a day, and I named him Harold (just because). Then there was the sugar-baby (a bag of sugar dressed up like a baby) that we had for 3 days, and I called her Elizabeth. And then there was the last mechanical baby that we had for 2 days, which [i]did[/i] come with a key, and I named him Jason, after the son in the movie Riding In Cars With Boys. But, I don't have any idea what I should name this baby! Oh well... I'll come up with something, I'm sure.
Okay, slept in, late for homeroom again (which reminds me, I [i]can't[/i] be late tomorrow, since I have to go early to get the baby from Mr.L!). We spent the entire class (Ancient Civs) debating again, this time about whether or not freedom really exists. Matt declared that there is no such thing as freedom, because he believes that there is no such thing as choice because everything that happens was predetermined by fate. I was shocked to hear this, because I always took Matt as a bit of a, well... Idiot. I didn't expect him to have [i]any[/i] beliefs. That kid amazes me sometimes! But ya, I believe in fate, too - probably why I was so surprised when I heard he did as well. *shrugs*
Jade and Steven listened to her "ghetto" music in Parenting, as they pretended to work. Well, not so much Jade, she was obviously not working. Whatever. Neither was I - I was off in my own little world. By the end of the class I decided to listen to my own music. Class ended, and I went to Math.
O... M... G... I miss one class and I'm completely lost. But hey, I wasn't the only one - people who were [i]there[/i] didn't even know what to do! Mr.Marchilldon gave us these booklets on tax returns and what not, and he was just like "here's the info - fill in these forms!" my desk was covered in blue and pink forms and I was just like "...um?" Half way through the class I just gave up on trying to understand, and put it all away. Whatever, I can afford to fail that one part of the course. Which reminds me, I got my last test back today. 98%. Go me! I only got [i]one[/i] thing wrong, and it was a fluke. See, [i]that's[/i] why I can afford to bomb this tax return thing. XP (Getting that test back did make me feel better about not understanding what to do with the taxes, though, I'll admit that - lol!). Although, I'm sure if he'd just explain it to me, I'd be able to do it without any issues. But nooooo! ...Anyways, I'll shut up about that.
I was in kind of a crummy mood during lunch, so I just kind of lay down off on my own and continued to listen to music (it was still playing, ever since the end of Parenting). Bell rang, Photography class. I took the film out of my camera (I finished the roll on Jade yesterday), put it in the canister using the dark bag, then developed and fixed it and hung it up in the closet. That took all class.
The project that the roll of film is for is due on Thursday. Now, according to my mental calculations, I don't think it's even possible for me to finish it for that time. Today I couldn't develop any of the Jade pictures, because my film had to dry and straighten out. Tomorrow we don't have class, but the dark room will be open during lunch and after school. Now, as you may remember, I have the mechanical baby tomorrow... I suppose I [i]could[/i] take it into the dark room [i]with[/i] me, but I dunno. Chances are I'll go during lunch, and during my period 8 "spare", which is directly after lunch tomorrow. That should be enough time to get the pictures printed off; then in Thursday's class I can put it all together. Alright, sounds like a plan!
I have my "spare" right after Photography, so I went into the dark room and printed off the two background pictures I'll be using (they [i]weren't[/i] on the recently developed roll of film). That didn't take me the entire period, so I went into the basement and talked to Chris about what's been going on with him lately. He's very confused - hell, so am I - but I feel really bad for him... He's just not in a nice situation. *hugs*
I had Careers last today. It was very boring. We took notes on how to make sure your interview for a job goes well. *shrugs* I suppose I picked up some good tips, seeing as I've never had a job before, it might come in handy. Then we were partnered up and we had to interview each other. She partnered me with Scott, one of the gr.11 druggies that you just [i]know[/i] will never pass the course. Well, I bet he was thinking "Great, the gr.11 freak-girl who doesn't ever say anything to anyone!", so I shouldn't be talking - lol! But the interviews actually went well... Odd. Hahaha.
I came home, after a little while of debating on whether or not I should stay after school today to develop some pictures. I just figured that my film wouldn't be dry yet, so I didn't bother to stay. Good thing, too, because Grant came online for only a little while and told me that he really wanted to see me (even though he had to work today), and asked if he could visit tomorrow for just 10 minutes or so, never minding the fact that I'll have the mechanical baby. [i]Aww![/i] If any of you read my last blog, you'll know that there was [i]no way[/i] I was going to say no to this!
Ya... I'm happy now. ^^!
PS: I still need a name for the damn thing! (Btw, it's a boy XD).
People who go to the same schools as their boyfriends or girlfriends don't know how well they have it. They don't realise that they'd probably go insane if they couldn't see them at lunch, or if they couldn't hang out for a while before or after classes.
It's only when you start seeing someone who goes to a different school do you finally realise how good you had it before. Not with the specific person, just with where they were.
I hate how I can't just walk down the hall and see Grant. I hate how every time I want to see him, or talk to him, he's not always there. I hate how we have to plan days ahead of time just to spend a couple hours together after school or on a weekend. I hate how much I miss him, even though we've technically only been together for a week.
I wouldn't be so hurt and upset by this if I didn't [i]really[/i] like him... So obviously it's not going to make me break up with him. No, far from it. I've fallen quite hard for him, just like I knew I would.
Before, happiness was just something I didn't grasp. Maybe I held it for a day or two, but it would slip away from my grip during the night. Even before I met Grant I was doing a lot better. Everyone around me could see it, even if they hardly knew me. This is awkward to say, but overall, I've been happier this month than I have been all together over the past 6 years.
Tonight is a fluke I knew would happen, it happens to everyone who doesn't see their boyfriend / girlfriend when they want to. It's normal, not me slipping back. No, I can't now. I've made it too far to slip back. I won't let myself - I'm stronger than that now.
I believe I've finally let go of my depression. Not entirely, no, because I'll always be quick to react (whether it be good or bad depends on the situation). I'll never get rid of my bi-polar disorder - and I don't want to, to be quite honest. It's a part of me now. It's who I am. I can't just change the chemicals in my brain because I feel like it. But, what I do believe I'm letting go of, though, is the cloud that seemed to constantly hang above my head.
That cloud never really went very far when I was with Steven. But hey, what can you expect? He was having his body slowly killed by chemotherapy or radiation during our entire relationship. That did [i]wonders[/i] for my mental stability. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming him - I'm just saying the situation [i]I put myself in[/i] didn't help. And, even though he tried his hardest to help me, he just couldn't. So, he had to let me go so I could help myself. I think it was one of the best things someone had ever done for me, even if I didn't think so at the time.
Thank you, Steven.
That part of my life is over, and I've moved on. I don't think it's possible for me to be any [i]happier[/i], because I've never been [i]this happy[/i]. Even though I'm upset now, I know that when I see Grant on Thursday it'll be worth the wait.
I always said I needed a reason to wake up in the morning.
I woke up, still feeling like crap. I mean, I was happy on some level, but I was just not in a good mood. If that makes [i]any[/i] sense. I slept in a little bit, and walked into the school just as the bell rang, so I had to rush to homeroom (I don't know why the hell my locker is on the other side of the fucking school, but whatever).
We had this huge debate on the Catholic religion in Ancient Civs today. That was kind of fun. I didn't really participate, but it was interesting to listen to. There are a few Catholics in my class, and I never even knew. Hell, my [i]teacher[/i] was raised Catholic! I thought that was pretty trippy.
English was English. Blarg. Watched more of the movie, took more notes. Blah blah blah. Boring shit. Whatever. Moving on!
In Parenting, Mal randomly mentioned last Canada Day. It had to have been one of my top favourite memories. That day was so much fun, you have no idea. Steven, Mal, Geoff, Erica and I all just went downtown to the Parliament Buildings (hurrah for the nation's capitol!) and wandered aimlessly being stupid teenagers. Good times. She just mentioned how we[i] had [/i]to do it again this year, but this time bring more people, but still have the original group. I don't know if I'll like Steven being there, but I'm sure I'll be able to suck it up for one day. Besides, that's not until July 1st - things might change. We'll see.
Hehe... I think the most fun I had that day was just sitting under the tree in the shade with Steven, Mal and Geoff as Erica worked for a while to get rid of some of her community service hours. We were looking for random guys we could set Erica up with that walked by. After a while we weren't being very serious, so if a guy walking his dog went by we'd be like "THE DOG! HE'S [i]PERFECT[/i]!" lol! But we did find this guy who we were serious about, but no one would go up to talk to him. I would have, if Steven hadn't have held me back. XD!
Hehe! My cape! I have a huge Canadian flag, and I wore it as a cape that day! It was soooo fun, because I was like, practically the only person who was doing that. Then we were walking down in front of the Rideau Centre and this guy was on the roof and he was [i]also[/i] wearing the flag as a cape and he was just like "YA! GO CANADA!!!" to me and I just laughed and gave him the "rock on" hand-sign. LOL!
Oh ya, it also started raining that day... Just out of nowhere it started to pour, and a lot of people who was going to see the fireworks went home. We didn't though, because we all knew it would pass very quickly. And it did, but the ground was wet. Like it made a difference, though, we were already soaked. Not to mention sun-burnt. Geez, I was roasted! All worth it, though.
The fireworks were amazing, too. Much better up close. My family and I, before, would go out to the field and watch the fireworks from there. But they're very far away, so it was never all that spectacular. That day, though - [i]amazing[/i].
*sighs*
Ah, nice trip down memory lane... Okay, so back to my day!
Um... Lunch... lunch... lunch... Damnit, now I can't think because I've gone back in time! Today has never even happened! It's July 1st, 2003, I swear! lol!
Um... Oh right! Colin came to the school today, so he, Kim, Gavin and I all just sat around in the basement because everyone else had Air Bands rehersal. Colin and Gavin got to play-fighting and were wrestling to the ground and I just looked at Kim and said "Now I know [i]why[/i] you're a lesbian." She nearly pissed herself laughing!
Drama was boring. Just went over our lines some more. Well, Geoff was constantly hitting on Carl, which brought vast ammounts of entertainment to me. Then Geoff started hitting on me and I was like "Okay there, bud! Think of Mal!" I know it's all a joke, so I didn't get bothered by it. *shrugs* Geoff would never do anything to hurt Mal. ^^
Photography was fun, I guess. I loaded my camera and decided to take as many pictures of Jade in different positions as I possibly could. I got 20. I needed her in different standing and sitting positions, so I could cut and paste them onto the background, which will be a set-up of pumpkins. We just hung out outside, and it was fucking cold. Ya, and it's May. Geezus!
For Bio / spare, I went into the basement where it was warm and listened to Finger Eleven as I went over my lines about a zillion times, in an attempt to memorize them. I actually have good memorizing skills; you wouldn't think so if you talk to me, but I really do. I mean, I can recite back quotes from the Simpsons or random comedians word-by-word after just hearing it once, and I can have entire CD's memorized in about a day. We have to be off-book by Friday, and I think I should be able to pull that off without a problem. Hell, I think I may be off book tomorrow, even. LOL! Go me!
Okay - I come home, and notice I had a new e-mail. For some reason I had the feeling it was from Grant, and I was right. Odd. Anyways, I open it, and he had sent me all the stats for the upcoming Finger Eleven concert. Dude! Finger Eleven is going to be in Ottawa June 8th! *jumps up and down* AAAHHHHHHHHH!!! This'll be my third time seeing them live, too.[i] Soooooo[/i] awesome! Hearing that [i]completely[/i] turned around my crappy mood! [i]YAY![/i]
Jade and I were trying to get a group of people to go down to Rideau today. We were talking to Mal, Geoff, Colin and Becky about it. Mal and Jade both ended up not being able to go, so everything kind of fell apart. I was incredibly dissapointed, but I just figured we'd do it another time.
Then Geoff, Becky and I were talking, and we tried to figure out something to do together. That didn't work, either. Our plan was to go see a movie at AMC, but we couldn't all agree on a movie. Urg...
I ended up spending the entire day playing random MSN games with people. It was very boring. Oh, well, I did finally re-watch all of my music DVDs. And by all of them, I mean [i]all[/i] of them. The two Linkin Park one's I have, the All American Rejects, the one that came with the 3rd Finger Eleven CD, and the one that came with the GOB CD. That took a good ammount of time.
Today was pretty shitty. So, naturally, I've been in a shitty mood. Infact, I was yesterday, too. And yet, life goes on...
Today I was supposed to go to an arcade with Grant, Becky and Dan - but Dan's sick. Blarg. So they bailed. Whatever. They said they'd be able to next weekend (I hope), so s'all good.
Jade and I were trying to put together plans for tomorrow to go down to Rideau with some friends. That'd be cool, but I don't know how possible it'll be. We shall see. We'll talk about it more tomorrow, I'm sure. Last time we went to Rideau I had so much fun (that is, until Erica and Steven came), so I've been wanting to do it again for a while now. I hope it works out. XP
Instead of doing something fancy, which costs money, we decided to just go to Grant's house (by "we" I mean he and I). We played Soul Calibur II again, and I let him win because I didn't really feel like playing much. *shrugs*. Then a bit of Harvest Moon (I love that game!). I had brought What Lies Beneath, so we watched that, then the Smashing Pumpkin's DVD. We had to go on a little walk to get it, though, because it was at his mom's house (she only lives down the street). I got to meet two of his uncles, who were visiting from Calgary and Vancouver, which was pretty cool.
We were talking in the car when he was dropping me off at home, and there were similarities between us which are quite terrifying. Grant first kissed his last ex on Hallowe'en night. Steven first kissed me on Hallowe'en night. They started going out January 27th. Okay, this is where it gets really messed up. Steven and I started going out January 9th. Grant asked me out on April 27th. (Also, my sister's birthday is January 27th, btw). I was just like "holy mind-fuck!". Then I was just randomly talking and I mentioned I was cleaning my room today. Ya, he was cleaning his room, too. Freakish. Then I got him to write down his phone numbers (mom's house, dad's house) for my mom and I looked at the sheet and I was like "...We both write our 'd's the same way." His face was priceless!
"Did you not take [i]anything[/i] from Chasing Amy? It's not the persons past that matters - yes, granted, it's part of them - but the important thing to me, is that right now, you want to be with me, and I want to be with you. So any past doesn't matter." Sorry, I just wanted to have that written down so I could come back to it whenever I'm feeling bad about what I've done before.
For some fucked up reason, I got it in my head that I'm too happy. And, because I'm "too happy", I felt like I needed to punish myself. I'm not used to being happy all the time, I suppose that's why my headaches are more frequent as of late. Anyways, I took a pair of scissors and kind of... stabbed my arm. It's very small, but it bled a bit. Whatever. Yes, I realise I'm an idiot for hurting myself because I'm [i]too[/i] happy. I just kind of got the feeling that I needed a reason to cry, but I had none, so I wanted to give myself one... It didn't work, so in the end it was completely pointless anyways.
Another short blog - oh well.
About Me:
Name: Sarah
DOB: Dec.01,'87 (16)
Location: Ottawa, ON
Likes: music, The Simpsons, That 70's Show, Stephen King, Tim Burton, horror movies, comedy, playing video / computer games, Monty Python, mexican food, iced tea, drawing, shopping, hanging out, swimming (alone), photography, acting, driving, and my friends and family ^^
Dislikes: assholes, whores, rap, musicals, when things break, liars, people who judge others before they get to know them, killing animals for food, working too hard... (thats all I can think of right now)
