Urg... I could be much happier right now, but I'm just not.
Parenting was first this morning. Our table helped Josh with his ISU for Anthro class on homophobia and the like. We were writing out definitions on construction paper as he was finishing up other stuff. I got to write out the def for "transgendered". He was telling the specific definition for bisexual to I think it was Mal, and he said "A person who feels emotionally and physically attracted to both sexes.". My ears perked; I'm bisexual, and I feel [i]physically[/i] attracted to both sexes, but I don't feel [i]emotionally[/i] attracted to females, only males. Does that mean I'm not bisexual? No. Of [i]course[/i] I'm bisexual! …Just a little point I noticed – he didn't quite know what to say to that. XP
Brianne finally came to Math class – for the first time in like, about two weeks. She said she'd be going to every class from now 'till the end of the year. Someone asked her how many days were left (she's been counting down) and she said 13. [i]THIRTEEN[/i]!!! That means next week is our [i]last fucking week of school[/i], then we have exams. It JUST clicked in my head… It's almost over. Geezus fucking christ I'm almost in grade 12! I spent the entire period just thinking about that. I couldn't shake it from my head.
Next year is my last year, and this one is almost up. After high school, I'm going to college for one year, then I'm completely done. Then I'm off to work in the real world. I'm not ready! I know I still have a year to go, but still. Only one year. Look at how fast this one has gone – next year will go even faster! I'm getting cold feet from just thinking about it. I remember being in grade 3 just looking forward to being in grade 6 – not even thinking about high school yet. Now I'm almost done it entirely. My life is just flying by. Slipping through my fingers, and all I can do is watch. Or, rather, enjoy it while I can!
In English class we were learning how to do a "proper" summary; something I learned to do in grade 5. She was actually trying to run us through step-by-step, and I just thought "I'm not a fucking retard…" And I did it on my own. I did exactly what she told us all to do, too, without even listening to her. Urgh, she treats the entire class like we're fucking retarded (well, some of the other students may be…).
I don't remember what happened during lunch. I just kind of shat around and did nothing in the basement. Then I had my spare right afterwards, so I just stayed in the basement for a while and lay on the ground. Jade came down to her locker half way through the class and told me everyone was skipping and they were all outside. Wonderful – my friends are all stupid. They all said that they were going to quit smoking, and today they were all [i]skipping class [/i]to smoke. Oh, was I ever[i] proud[/i] of them. Mal actually apologized to me, because she knew it pissed me off. She just didn't know how much, because I wasn't letting it show. I was so happy with all of them when they told me that they were planning on quitting, even though a part of me knew it wouldn't last. I don't think they're taking it seriously enough. But hey, their lungs, their life – right? Let them fuck it up whichever way they want to. I don't have to support them. I just wish that they cared enough to stick by something they say that they're going to do – not for anyone else, but for themselves.
We went to the library for Careers today. Now, that was just boring, so I won't even bother talking about it. Drama… Wow, what a piss-off that class was! We were rehearsing, and Geoff and Carl weren't taking [i]anything[/i] seriously. I was yelling at them, swearing and shit. I was so pissed off, like you have no idea. I hate it when they start goofing off, because we only have until next Tuesday to get the entire thing put together, and we're still fucking up some of the lines. I just got up and walked away; I was too fed up to deal with them anymore.
I just sat in the corner and had to fight back tears. I dunno, I guess something else was bothering me, because that shouldn't have gotten to me so badly. But I wasn't thinking of anything else; I guess they were suppressed emotions. It's also very unlikely that it was everyone smoking, because by that time it had already clicked that they can fuck up as much as they want, just so long as I'm not smoking. I dunno, it was just weird. That's all I [i]am[/i] sure about.
Afterwards I just came home and have been sitting in front of my computer ever since. Well, I went down for dinner and I argued with my dad about my plans for this summer. He decided he wanted to plan my every moment of summer vacation for me, and I just told him it's my life and I'll do what I want with it. He was convinced I'd be getting a summer job so I wouldn't be sitting around the house all day. Sure, but I've got summer school, and a social life now. Fuck work, I'll get a job when school's back in - I'm going to enjoy what little of the summer I have left after more school! Urg. I mean, it's one thing that he's dragging me out to a giant waterfall for a couple days when I'm terrified of boats and water, but to plan the rest of my free time? No, sorry bud. That's mine to do with as I so please.
Wow, I think I've ranted about this or that for the majority of this blog. Yet, I still don't know what's [i]really[/i] bothering me... Grr...!
Name: Sarah
DOB: Dec.01,'87 (16)
Location: Ottawa, ON
Likes: music, The Simpsons, That 70's Show, Stephen King, Tim Burton, horror movies, comedy, playing video / computer games, Monty Python, mexican food, iced tea, drawing, shopping, hanging out, swimming (alone), photography, acting, driving, and my friends and family ^^
Dislikes: assholes, whores, rap, musicals, when things break, liars, people who judge others before they get to know them, killing animals for food, working too hard... (thats all I can think of right now)
